Saturday, August 12, 2017

Serious Stuff

Salam & Hi :)



I used to write and blog since I was thirteen years old. And mostly I wrote about psychological stuff (online psychology test), family, school, motivational cliche topics (bahahaha), random topics and sometimes write the reviews of movies and books. My first blog was in the wordpress website, and then I moved to blogdrive, and after that tadaaaa, in blogspot.com. I can't remember why I did not stick to one type of blogging website back then, but maybe because of trends.

When I was fifteen, I used to have a good conversation with this one senior that I respected. Once, we shared a several blog links of Malaysian students who wrote a good and serious topics about current issues and religion. And then I asked her, "Kak, why don't you try to write a blog too?"

Of course at that time I did not tell her that I have a blog (because my blog full of childish stuff). And then she replied, "I don't think I have a good things to write and share to the people."

Me: "Oh, but you can start with just sharing about your life and stuff like that."

And after that I don't really remembered what exactly that she said, but basically this; she said that if she wants to write, she does not want to write about just her life, she wants to write about serious stuff like current issues, religion etc. And yes, it hits me paaapp like that in my heart hehe.

Of course, I was a teenager back then. And now a bit matured (ehem), I still cannot write a serious topics in my blog without it being end up in a draft section. It's not that I can't, I just realized that I don't want to. (At least now.. I think)... after my contract with gov ended haha

Friends who personally know me, knows that I like to discuss about philosophy, current issues, criticized this and that, and a strong opinionated person (they called me stubborn, actually). Sometimes I wish I have a pen and paper like Rita Skeeter (in Harry Potter) that will write everything that popping out of my mouth, so it save myself from writing it down again (yeah, I'm that lazy).

But maybe it just like, blogging for me, at this moment, more to a reflect of chronological part of my life. I mean, it's more like a recorded life that I wrote down at the moment, what I think, rambled about etc. So that I will read at the old entries and feel like "Wow, what a naive teenager I've been back then" or "Why I write this stupid stuff?" or "Is this really me who write this?"

That's why in my bio, I wrote that this is a personal blog.

And yes, sometimes I wish I can publish all of those without a doubt, and without afraid of the reaction or feedback from other people. (Yeah, my opinion is THAT scandalous).

#selfclaim #booo


Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Trip ke Pulau Perhentian

Salam.

4 hingga 6 Mac 2016: Trip ke Pulau Perhentian bersama 6 Sekawan :). Entri ni dah lama terperuk dalam draft, baru nak publish :D

Kami pergi dengan pakej #PerhentianKravers yang merangkumi penginapan 3 hari 2 malam, tiket bot pergi-balik dari jeti ke Pulau Perhentian, snorkeling ke enam check point (dengan sewa peralatannya sekali), sarapan + makan tengah hari + barbeque untuk sehari. Semuanya dalam RM280. Boleh check instagram mereka @perhentiankravers untuk lihat pelbagai pakej lain yang disediakan.

Perjalanan pergi-balik ke Pulau Perhentian tidak termasuk sekali dengan pakej. Kebetulan waktu tu AirAsia tiket ke Kota Bharu promosi RM39 sahaja, rezeki kami. Lepas tu daripada airport KB naik bas menuju ke perhentian bas KB. Dari sana kami transit naik bas lain menuju ke Jerteh, Terengganu. Lupa sudah berapa tambang bas, tapi kalau tak silap tak lebih daripada RM10 pun untuk kedua-dua perjalanan bas tersebut.






Kami menginap memang betul-betul di Pulau Perhentian long-beach (area kampung nelayan) tu. Kami menginap di Aura Bay. Jadi malam-malam bolehlah pergi main air di gigi pantai dan pusing keliling pulau tu. Hari pertama aktiviti bebas, (bergambar, mandi pantai, makan-makan, sembang-sembang etc).

Ada satu restoran ni masya-Allah sedap sangat makanan dia, dan memanglah harga makanan ke, barangan ke, kat atas pulau ni memang berganda sikit daripada harga normal, tapi pergi makan kat restoran ni memang berbaloi. Nama restoran tu Ewan Kafe/Cafe macam tulah, menyesal baru merasa makan pada hari last nak balik haha.




Hari kedua pergi snorkeling ke enam check point, yang sekali dengan pakej. Habis snorkeling pergi makan tengah hari di Short Beach. Malam tu makan makanan ber-barbeque (yang include dalam pakej). Lepas tu pergi jalan-jalan pusing pulau pergi area belakang, di mana terdapat mini bar bagi non-muslim yang nak minum-minum dan upacara unggun api (waktu kami pergi tu lah).




Hari ketiga, sebelum subuh lagi bangun pergi hiking ke area windmill. Solat subuh dekat atas sana. Dan tengok matahari terbit dari sana. Memukau.



Pukul 12 tengah hari kami naik bot untuk ke jeti jerteh. Balik ke TBS malamnya dengan menaiki bas. Esokannya ada kelas haha. Pergi kelas dengan muka sunburned.


Monday, July 3, 2017

'Me-time' Syndrome

Currently reading this book, and Evangeline Canterbury's character was like the portrayal of myself, but mine is extended not just in relationships, but also towards family and friends too. Reserved.

Excerpt:

“I know you’re busy, darling. But surely nobody is too busy for love.”

“It’s not that. I may be…I may be incapable of a real relationship.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Zelda huffed. Then, less certainly: “Isn’t it?”

I kept reaching into the dishwasher. Glasses, mugs, silverware returned to their designated places—anything to prevent me from actually squirming with discomfort. “I don’t like to be asked questions. I don’t like having to talk about things I don’t want to talk about. I’d rather be alone than open myself up to be poked and prodded.”

Thomas, Sherry. “The One in My Heart.” 


Wednesday, June 28, 2017

My tauke & part time job

Salam and hi :)



Usually during my semester break, I will be working a part time job. After my foundation year, I searched for a job at a small shop in the supermarket. And I got a job as a seller in this jewellery's shop which sells silvers, brooch, etc. I think I worked there for 5 months, before I got to pursue my degree on September. But after that, even during my semester break, the tauke will call me and asked me to work again haha. And our friendship right now like 4 years already and he got married during that and now I'm working with his wife, as he opened another shop at another supermarket.

People always say to me "Rajinnya kerja cuti-cuti macam ni". Well, I need money. I don't know about other people, but the way I raised, if you want something, then you should work for it. I would'nt asked for money to my parents unless I am really broke and in need of something. All of my siblings aware of the motto (lewls, if it can call a motto), well except our youngest brother perhaps.

Some people are so racist, because I worked with a chinese. And some customers too. There's a guy asked me "Tauke cina ke dik?" I nodded, hinted the sound of disapproved from his glance. Then he said, "Bukak kedai sendiri la dik,". If I followed my urges on that particular time, I would smash his face into bruises.

What's wrong with befriend or working with a person that have different race/religion than yours? What a sick mentality that certain Malaysians hold on to. My tauke & his wife are very kind and helpful to me, so much that sometimes I felt so embarrassed (because I'm not that good employee).

Now I help them during the fasting month, as it close to raya time, usually there are a lot of customers and they need an extra hand. Eunice always treat us for the break of fast, (berbuka/sungkai). And yes, she also treat us for lunch and breakfast if we can't fast, she's that generous :). Love her.

The essence of taking a part time job is, you learn a lot about people and it makes you humble doing the simple or ordinary job. And you didnt care about what other people think about you.

Eid Mubarak everyone.


Friday, April 14, 2017

23



Thank you my lovely friends, for this birthday celebration. It may be our last, as all of us will scatter to pursue our own destination after the completion of studies. The memories will stay <3

Love,

Hannah.





Tuesday, March 21, 2017

#Random

[I forgot from what page I took this from, but the credit for the writer is there]



I woke up on the morning of my twenty-third birthday to a dead-end job, a failing relationship, an empty wallet and a complete lack of direction. And I’m sure I’m not alone in that fate.

The years following college aren’t kind to us. We are thrust into the real world with a large amount of student debt, jobs that barely pay enough to make rent, relationships that are rapidly changing and a profound feeling of being lost on how to handle it all. Nobody likes you when you’re twenty-three, including your own life.

And yet, we pull through.

Most of us make it to our twenty-fourth year. Most of us make it out of the woods. Most of us are lucky enough to say that by the end of our twenty-third year we’re no longer feeling completely and utterly lost. But in case you’re not there yet, here are a few things you may need to be reminded of right now.

1. You’re not going to be lonely for the rest of your life.

Twenty-three is a lonely and uncomfortable age. College is (probably) over. Your professional life is (hopefully) just beginning. And your social life is doing an awkward, uncomfortable shuffle in response to all the changes. You’re far away from the people who know you well and not yet emotionally close with the people who physically surround you.

Give it time. Give your relationships the chance to evolve. Give yourself the chance to adjust to no longer living with a group of your closest friends (yes, you will adjust). Loneliness doesn’t last forever, even when it feels like it will.

2. You don’t need to be working your dream job right now.

It’s okay to take a shitty office job because you need to pay the bills. It’s okay to spend your spare time volunteering to get the experience you need. There are a thousand different routes you can take to get to where you want to go. Don’t beat yourself up in the process – just keep moving, steadily and slowly, toward wherever you would rather be.

3. Everyone feels lost at some point.

No, seriously. Every single person you meet, interact with or think about in the course of a day has almost definitely had a period of their lives where they had NO clue what they were doing. So this is yours. You’re just getting it out of the way early.

4. You still have so much time to fail.

You have time to fail at love. At your career. At your creative aspirations. At your personal goals.

You are still young enough to fall and pick yourself back up, so many more times. So don’t be afraid to take those big, scary risks now – while you still have the time and the strength and the determination to start over.

5. Someone is going to love you again.

You’re going to feel that insane over-the-moon feeling again. You’re going to want to tell someone ‘I love you’ again. You’re going to have something real with another human being again, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. The ability to love other people doesn’t leave you, even if it’s a muscle you haven’t flexed in a long while.

6. You are going to love you again.

Your self-perception is going to adjust to encompass the new, adult you: the one that you are still growing into. Don’t beat yourself up about who you are or are not yet at twenty-three – you have so much time left to grow into the person you’ll become, and to be damn proud of whoever that will be.

7. You are allowed to set and keep boundaries.

Being a young adult means saying ‘Yes’ to a lot of things – long work hours, demands from our partners – because you aren’t yet sure what you’re allowed to say no to. But here’s the deal – you are allowed to set whatever personal or professional boundaries you need to set in order to stay healthy and stable.

You don’t have to earn the right to take care of yourself. You deserve it, as a basic product of your existence.

8. You are never entirely without support.

You may not be lucky enough to have parents who are able to give you financial support or even friends who are immediately available to give you emotional support, but rest assured, if things ever went really wrong, you’d have people there to help you out in ways you may not expect. If at least a few names come to mind, you’re doing better than a lot of people.

9. Being disappointed in yourself just means that you know you can do better.

If you were never falling short of your own goals, you’d be living your life all wrong. Disappointment – in moderation – means that you believe in bigger things for yourself. And holding that belief in life will take you further than you could possibly imagine.

10. It’s not your job to live someone else’s dream.

You don’t have to move to Asia to teach English if it’s not going to make you happy. You don’t have to move to a big city and get a mind-numbing office job because it’s going to impress your parents. The choices you make now set the tone for the choices you’re going to make the rest of your life. So you’re allowed to make the choices you want to make – and only worry about impressing your future self.

11. ‘No’ is a very important word.

You’re allowed to use it. Say no to jobs that don’t entice you. Say no to people who bring out the worst in you. Say no to all the opportunities that prevent you from pursuing the bigger, braver, bolder life course that you’d rather be on. Say no confidently, strategically and as regularly as you need to. It is your right and in some cases, your greatest asset.

12. Nobody can read your mind – you’re going to have to ask for what you want.

Nobody is going to come hand you your dream job or your perfect relationship or your ideal lifestyle because you’ve been obeying the rules so diligently. You have to ask – directly and sometimes incessantly – for those things. It’s unfortunate that the adult world works this way, but it does. The sooner you get comfortable asking for things, the sooner you start getting big results. Results other people don’t get because they’re too afraid to ask for them.

13. You don’t have to be embarrassed.

Not by the job you’re working or the person you’re dating or where you are in life, in relation to the people you graduated college with. Embarrassment is a choice. And the prouder you choose to be of yourself – no matter where you are in life – the further you’re going to go. Confidence is a major predictor of success.

14. Your body is not seventeen anymore.

You can’t exist on a steady diet of beer, burritos and power-naps forever. Your body is starting to change and you have to change to accommodate it if you don’t want to feel just a little bit worn-out for the rest of eternity. Treating your body properly is going to have more of a positive impact on your life in the coming years than you could possibly imagine right now.

15. You’re probably hotter than you think you are.

Something I hear over and over again from middle-aged people is that they can’t believe they ever thought they were unattractive in their early twenties.

We are our own harshest critics at this point in our lives and it’s more likely than not that your most unattractive quality is the lack of confidence you have in your own appearance. Start believing in yourself a little more right now, so you have to kick yourself a little less aggressively later.

16. You aren’t done changing yet, and you probably won’t be for a while.

There are those rare, beautiful moments in our early twenties where it feels like we’ve got it all figured out and we’re entirely out of the woods. But those moments never last for too long. Life is constantly changing – but that’s far from being a bad thing. Your brain is still developing. You are still developing. And the worst thing you can be right now is stagnant.

17. You have to give yourself a break.

At 23, it’s easy to get so caught up in the working and progressing and forming relationships and finding ourselves that we forget to ever take a moment to just breath. To relax. And to take a brief break from frantically dashing toward the future. You still deserve to live and enjoy your life. Your future will come soon enough.

18. Losing friends is a natural consequence of this stage of your life.

Losing touch with your old college roommates or your hometown friends or the loved ones who settled down earlier or later than you did is a natural consequence of growing older. It isn’t solely up to you to keep every friendship you’ve ever had alive – some things fade out naturally, because they should. Because some of the friendships you shared were meant to last a season, not a lifetime, and that’s okay.

19. There will be people you have to leave behind as you grow, and that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Everyone grows up and grows into themselves at different paces. And the older you get, the more you will notice that some people almost deliberately choose to stay stuck or hold themselves back. And it is not your job to rescue these people from themselves. You can love them, you can support them and you can encourage them but at the end of the day you just can’t hold yourself back on their behalf. They have responsibility over their lives and you have responsibility over yours. You are not selfish or horrible to keep moving forward without them.

20. Comparisons are completely senseless, unless you use them as a motivator.

Comparisons are a great thing if you’re using them to motivate yourself to rise up to someone else’s level of greatness. If, however, you’re only using them to beat yourself down, they are the single greatest waste of your time and energy. You are not your friend or your college classmate or your co-worker who just got a raise. You are you. And if you want to rise above the rest, you have to use the skills that are unique to you, rather than pining after what comes naturally to everyone else.

21. Everyone fucks up.

No, seriously. Everyone has made at least one big, huge mistake that they wish they could take back. It’s just that we tend to not talk about our fuck-ups, which creates a culture where everyone believes that they’re the only ones who ever encounters them. Trust me: you’re not alone. We’ve all done some royally screwed-up stuff. And we’ve all survived it. Which means that you’re probably going to as well.

22. Everyone’s terrified.

Nobody really knows what’s coming next. Nobody actually has a foolproof plan. Nobody is 100% sure of how to get where they want in life and nobody has it all figured out.

Even the most confident people are a little bit unsure and a little bit terrified sometimes. Life’s just like that. Uncertainty is a key ingredient to the whole shebang.

23. If you had it all figured out right now, the rest of your life would be boring.

If you had the rest of your life locked and loaded at twenty-three years old, the rest of your life would be a let-down. The ups and downs are just a natural part of what keeps things interesting. And the truth is, now is the best time imaginable to ride out those fluctuations. A period of struggle prepares you for a future of resilience. So struggle away at twenty-three. The future has plenty of time to fall into place.

By Heidi Priebe
Artwork by Helke Rah

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Dead Man - Dia Frampton

[portrays perfectly my relationship with law school]





Thought I felt the water flooding in
I fought for hours, then I caved in
And I knew the moment that I lost
When you held me in your arms

And I know you won't let me dare forget you
And I know that I'll never really want to

Look at what you've done
Look what I've become
You're looking at a dead man
You're looking at a dead man

I know it's too late
I feel good in my chains
You're looking at a dead man
You're looking at a dead man

Never knew that love could feel so torn
My arms are heavy, they're brick and bone
Had I blinked the moment that we met
You stopped my heartbeat
It didn't start again

And I know you won't let me dare forget you
And I know that I'll never really want to

Look at what you've done
Look what I've become
You're looking at a dead man
You're looking at a dead man

I know it's too late
I feel good in my chains
You're looking at a dead man
You're looking at a dead man

Round and round and round and round we fall
Never gonna get around your walls
Don't you turn away from me
Don't you turn away from me again



Friday, March 3, 2017

Semester 8

Salam & hi.

Finally I'm on my last semester here. I will miss UKM so much. And I know that I will regret the things that I haven't done during my studies here. At least I already went to the rooftop of FKAB haha with my dear friend <3



Advocacy

So here in our last semester, we have this subject named "Advocacy" which does not have a final exam, but will have like the full trial and will be assessed by the real judges. The firms will be divided to criminal and civil litigation, and unfortunately my firm got civil. Most of us rooting for criminal, because criminal cases are more way interesting, of course. And your money won't flow to create (forged) a lot of documents and cause papers such as civil litigation cases.

Well, it won't do to cry over a spilt milk, lol. My firm mates and I should pour our heart to our Plaintiff and Defendant's case wholeheartedly. Phew, so dramatic.

Most of our time are spent solely for this subject, (to create the 10 types of documents, cause papers with a lot copies, the written arguments etc) as we will have the full trial include the witnesses as in a real court proceedings, in front of a judge. But for civil advocacy, the judges are among the lecturers, for criminal the invited judges are the real judges.

Still, we should learned from our last semester, to never abandoned other subjects such as CPC and Evidence huhu but howww...

As the research made for our cases, I found that (at least for the Plaintiff) I'm really hooked as the facts given is quite interesting.

#tryingtobeoptimist

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Psychology Test hanyalah ilusi

Salam dan hai (kepada diri sendiri).



Post ini bukanlah hendak mengecam sesiapa atau apa-apa yang berkaitan dengannya, lebih kepada pengalaman diri sendiri mengenai test psikologi dan refleksi diri sendiri sepanjang beberapa tahun selepasnya. Tak faham? Tak apa, tak penting pun untuk faham.

Jadi alkisahnya sewaktu zaman sekolah dulu rajinlah pergi UBK (Unit Bimbingan Kaunseling) untuk buat psychology test ni. Dan sekarang ingatlah juga sikit-sikit result daripada psychology test tersebut, yang mana bila reflek balik adalah sebenarnya tak menggambarkan diri sendiri punya sifat atau peribadi pun.

Rasanya bila umur dah menginjak matang/tua ni (ehem) jadi lebih banyak la reflek balik diri sendiri, berdasarkan dengan pengalaman dan juga pergaulan, membuatkan seseorang tu lebih sedar diri dengan sifat atau karakter diri sendiri.

Jadi ini beberapa hasil atau result yang saya masih ingat sewaktu zaman sekolah dulu yang mana adalah sangat bertentangan dengan sikap sebenar.

1. Observant

Which I realize that I am totally not an observant person. Biasalah kan bila jawab psychology test mengenai personaliti diri, kita pilih pilihan jawapan yang kita rasa kita akan buat reaksi itu, walaupun hakikatnya adalah sebaliknya. Sebab kita memilih pilihan jawapan yang kita rasa itulah diri kita ataupun "itulah yang aku akan buat kalau dapat situasi macam ni.. macam ni.." Sebab tu end up keputusan pun berdasarkan "apa yang kita harapkan karakter diri kita" itulah.

Baru sedar diri sebenarnya saya ni jenis yang kalau berjalan tu tak tengok kiri kanan. Jenis yang susah sangat nak ingat jalan dan ingat muka orang. Jalan balik rumah pun tak ingat hahaha selalu kena bebel dengan famili bab-bab ingat jalan ni kalau nak pergi mana-mana. Kadang-kadang dalam shopping mall pun boleh sesat, selalu kena tengok directory (it helps a lot!), sebab selalunya memang selalu keluar seorang je pun kalau nak keluar pergi beli barang apa-apa.

Jadi konklusinya, memang saya ni bukanlah seorang yang observant.

2. Social Person

Sosial dalam erti kata senang bergaul dengan orang, etc. Hal ini tidaklah 100% salah, mungkin 50-50. I am not really a sociable person, I'm just selectively social. Kadang-kadang kalau dalam bas atau KTM ke kalau rasa nak berbual dengan strangers, tegur je tapi kalau ada hari yang malas nak menegur memang diam je la.

Kalau berada dalam kelompok yang pasif, biasanya saya akan bergerak aktif. Namun kalau berada dalam kelompok yang terdapat ramai ahli yang aktif, saya akan bersifat pasif.

3. Artistik

Haha. Minat arts, tapi tu tak bermaksud saya ni adalah seorang yang artistik hahaha. But I wish I am!

Pernah juga buat psychology test yang maya, tapi itulah bagi saya ia hanyalah cerminan untuk apa yang kita rasa bukan apa yang kita sebenarnya (kalau jenis jawab memang ikut feeling rasa kau jenis macam tu, result dia pun macam itu la).

Yeah, topik random. Mungkin tulis berkenaan topik ni sebab tengah dalam mode rindu arwah Cikgu Rohaya. Semoga tenang di sana, cikgu.


Saturday, January 7, 2017

2017 y'all




2017, harapan aku untuk terus grad saja, haha. Lepas tu chambering/pupillage 9 bulan, admission to the bar, kumpul duit pergi travel sepanjang 9 bulan tu, lepas tu baru masuk kerja (kalau ada rezeki).

Macam apa je plan kan, tapi sampai sekarang tak buat keputusan pun nak chambering dekat firm mana, tempat pun tak decide lagi. Sama ada kat Terengganu ke, atau KL atau Selangor haish. 


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