Broke down

I had a massive broke down yesterday. Never did in my entire 25 years I felt as such before. This thing did bring out the worst in me. I lost interest in the work as I don't have a heart into it. When you being forced something that you didn't want.

I hate feeling like this. I don't want to be bitter, disinterest to the work, then I would be not giving my hundred percent to it. But the question is how? How can I make this disappear? How can I force myself to like this kind of work when my heart is not in it?

Mundane things

Hello November? Huhu.

How time flies. And in a month we'll be in 2020 already, woots! I feel so old as I remember the times as a child when I was thinking that I would be a matured 26 year old woman in 2020. Lol. Matured much? Hahahahaha.

2019 is much about ups and down about my career path, it seems. I vow that in 2020 I should not just too focused on the job, but please find a life outside of your work too! I felt so restless doing this mundane tasks over and over again, crying over things. This is not what I want to feel for the rest of my life. THIS. IS. SCARY. SHIT.

I need to take care of my mental health. So I plan to sign up for a yoga class maybe? Because I can't subscribe to gym as I bring my work at home even after the office hours. Sad, isn't it? So maybe yoga class. And at the end of the year (next month) I already have a plan to go for a vacation for 4 days in an island. It should be just a solo trip but my sister wants to tag along. But still I think that was not enough for the long term.

Sigh. I need to be prepared mentally next year. which is in next couple of months!