Ice-Cream

One day, I went back from the office and intended to try oden from Family Mart. As I always listening to one of my friends recommended it. Oden is like a Yong Tau Fu’s Japan version, and for me the taste was just an ‘ok’. When I queued and ordered, I was thinking to order the ice-cream together, matcha flavour (green tea). However, having a change of heart, I decided to just order oden.

As I was sitting down alone while eating the oden, on my earphones and scrolling my phone, a few minutes later someone approached me. She wanted to give an extra matcha ice-cream she bought, saying that she bought the extra one for her sister but she didn’t want to eat ice-cream, while pointed out at her sister, who was smiling at me. I hesitated. I offered to pay for the ice-cream but she refused and insist I take it, while mentioned, “It’s okay, it’s seem like it’s your rezeki.”

(Source: google)

I said thank you, took the ice-cream offered and waved to them as they left. And I was thinking, wow, I do get to eat matcha ice-cream today, grateful for the their kind gesture. (Or maybe they pitied me as I was eating alone at the Family Mart’s corner 😂). I’m the lucky one I guess, as there were other people eating there as well.

But actually this incident reminded me to always be grateful, and that sometimes Allah granted me the things that I want. It made me flashback to several incidents in my life, where a situation that I thought maybe I would never got this, but actually I did.

For example when I lost hope whether I can still pursue law after finishing my foundation. I refused to apply for another courses as I was determined to read law during that time. And then I got an offer to pursue law in UNISZA for their second intake. In the mean time I also applied manually to the Dean’s Faculty, for public universities that offer law courses, that are UKM and UUM. When I entered into the orientation in UNISZA, I was thinking that I would never have a chance to practice as a legal practitioner (during this, LPQB had not recognized their law degree). Guess what? A day after the orientation, there was a call from UKM, asking me why I had not come to register for their second intake. I was in shocked, as I did not know that I was being accepted! And the rest is history.. hehe :)

The same thing when I applied for JPA scholarship, when it’s time to check your result in the portal, I was certain that I did not get the offer. My whatsapp’s notifications got crazy from the friends ranted that they all not successful to get the offer from JPA. Some of them even scored a 4 flat pointer but did not manage to get an offer. So leisurely while lying down on my bed, I just opened the portal and checked. The status was “Berjaya”. Abruptly I was in a sitting position. While zoomed the page and read it again and again, afraid that I wrongly read it at the first place. Later I found out that only ten of us from the batch (almost a hundred of students) that had been offered for the scholarship.

As I believe that you should always work hard in everything you do, there are certain things along the way that sometime, you get it through ‘luck’ - at least that is what a certain people would say. But I’m more preferring it not as luck, but ‘rezeki’.

My Mistake - Gabrielle Aplin

I got up late again today
And I’m scared of everything
I don’t dare to dream
I got a dark imagination
These hours waste away
A debt I’ll never pay

I’m talking through the walls
But the walls keep caving in
They amplify my thoughts
I really want a conversation
But I let it slip away
A debt I’ll never pay

Worry, worry, ohh
It’s funny how it changes
When nothing really changes at all

Am I jaded?
Am I meant to feel this way?
I’m a loser, getting beat by my own game
But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake
Oh, at least it was my mistake
‘Cause I choose to be this way
I’m a loser and I self-deprecate
So when I falter
Well at least it was my mistake

I saw my friend today
She tried to comfort me
But I turned her away
There’s magic in this misery
So no matter what you say
I don’t think I’ll ever change

Worry, worry, ohh
It’s funny how it changes
When nothing really changes at all

Am I jaded?
Am I meant to feel this way?
I’m a loser, getting beat by my own game
But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake
Oh, at least it was my mistake
‘Cause I choose to be this way
I’m a loser and I self-deprecate
So when I falter
Well at least it was my mistake

And I don’t really care about what anyone says
I don’t give a damn about what anyone says
I don’t want to think about anything
I don’t want to think about anything
And I don’t really care about what anybody says
I don’t need opinions hanging over my head
I don’t really care about anything
I don’t really care
I don’t really care at all

Long Call Day

Alhamdulillah, I just got called to the Bar on 7th December 2018.

The one who I want to thank you the most are of course my parents ❤️, my siblings especially my sisters and my close friends who accompany me through this journey. Not to forget my Master, the other Partners of the firm and all the staffs who were very helpful and kind to me during my pupillage. May God bless all of you as a bunch of thank you is never enough.

Lawyered already, haha (or almost lawyered). I can’t wait to embark into this new journey.

Truth to be told, I actually still hesitated whether to practice as a lawyer or not. I found out that doing bankruptcy matters quite bored me, and I decided to try for general litigation next time perhaps.

“Hi, I’m Hannah, can you please hire me for an associate for your general litigation department please?” 🤣🤣

Favourite Book #1

I want to write about something, and I think it's good to start with the things that I love to do; reading. And this is one of my favourite books kinda review. And why I love it so much.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

(lunyai, haha)

I read this book when I was 17 or 18. It was my sister's, she bought it as her friend recommended it to her. And as soon I finished this book, it was soon become one of my favourite books! Coincidentally when I was first reading this book, I was in Foundation in Law and reading this book kinda give me a feel like a path I have taken was true haha. That 'Atticus' feels. I love his character so much!

I love the fact that the story was told by a narrative of a 6-year-old child, Scout and she was such an innocent, and frank, especially when there was sometimes she asking Atticus questions. I love the interaction of Scout and her brother, Jem and also about the mysterious ghostly character of Boo Radley. Whenever at first I heard them talking about someone inside the house (their neighbour, Boo Radley), I was actually thinking "Is that guy even exist? Lol". Until the last plot of the book.

This book is dealing with racial inequality, integrity, courage, compassion, kindness, hatred and also humor. The character of Atticus feels so real. He was an embodiment that I somehow want to be. Tried to be. 

In this book, Atticus represented a black man accused of raping a young white woman. The repercussion occurred as the citizen disapproved of his action in defending a black, and called him "nigger-lover". The scene of the trial in open court was interesting and intense.

And as I love this book so much, I recommended to my friends, discussing it with them and my sister. After that, I realized that this book is a classic modern American literature that widely taught in schools in US and maybe in other states too.

Whenever I travel far from home, or just go hiking and away for a few days, I usually always bring along this book. I like to reread a book that I was so familiar with during my favourite time (and tough time). :)

I remembered that I bring this book during hiking, and also I read it when I commenced my first few days of pupillage at my current firm, as I was not assigned to any task.

There are many lines in the book that caught me off guard. And my favourites are:

(source: google)

..and this conversation between Scout and Jem about her class with Miss Gates on that day, when she asked him how someone who hated a crime against the Jews (the Holocaust) but at the same time treated the Black people poorly.

"...how can you hate Hitler so bad an' then turn around and be ugly about folks right at home-" -Scout

(The sequel came yearsss after that, before H. Lee passed away, and I intend to review that book too!)

S.u.f.f.o.c.a.t.e.d

I was thinking,

whether I want to do this kind of things for the rest of my life.

I am so freaked out of uncertainty.

I was so miserable in this past few weeks. I even caught in fever and cold.

Tentang Seseorang

Ku lari ke hutan
Kemudian menyanyiku
Ku lari ke pantai
Kemudian teriakku
Sepi-sepi dan sendiri
Aku benci

Aku ingin bingar
Aku mau di pasar
Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri

Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
Ada malaikat menyulam jaring laba-laba belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya, biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari ke hutan lalu belok ke pantai?



-----------------------------

Sedang dalam melayan filem Ada Apa Dengan Cinta 1 & 2, sebab ada kawan ajak untuk berlibur di Jakarta dan Jogjakarta untuk melalui kawasan-kawasan shooting AADC. Sebelum ni tak pernah nonton cerita ini, jadi kena buat homework dulu.

And I love the poetry reading in AADC so much OMG... Where I had been gone in AADC era hahaha.. And Rangga read the book 'Aku', the one in my possession for years now. And both of them love Chairil Anwar's poems!

Kawan aku cakap aku ni Rangga versi perempuan. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I'm cold, but not that cold eheh. 

Rat Race Cycle

I read something on the page of Humans of New York that made me ponder upon my life as general. Whether I am the one who also tries to catch up with the all the things that one should have as the society modeled us to be.

I had graduated last year, now doing my pupillage. Later on maybe will be searching for another stable job. Even now I had friends who had gotten married and produced a few kids already. Maybe the fact that I am still single now, none in my future plans include marriage and kids, yet. However, whenever I see a couple happily stroll in a park or a mall, with their kids around sometimes made me feel such a longing.

Or maybe when I saw someone posted in their instagram about their traveling anywhere around the world made me feel such a longing too. That they have such a time and money to take a vacation while I myself stuck doing whatever I am doing now. I just hope that this kind of things would not bother me much, so I distant myself from social media for a few moments. Except to read the news.

I know that things sometimes would be difficult. And we should always strive. I love a post that I read from Wani Ardy's blog, her words still ringing in my head and heart.

"See, that's the thing. The fact that we don't get everything, shows that we've got something. Hope, my friend, is a privilege. The ability to want something, is a privilege. The possibility of getting what we want, is a privilege."

I realized that I should always appreciate the small things in life that would make my days better. Maybe when I see a rainbow after the rain stop. Or sipping into a good coffee and having a tasty dessert like chocolate brownies or pavlova (or anything chocolate, yum!). Or maybe the smell of the rain, or a sunset. Appreciate the small things. Like the good parents and family members that always there whenever you reach them. And the good friends around you.

May I would not fall into doing something just because everyone is doing it. Ameen.

Be Kind

So much hatred on social media nowadays. I hate to open my FB or twitter even just to read the news, as I will eventually scroll into some mean comments or status post from the social media friends. It is so easy to be a bully, especially on the internet.

Sometimes I feel it. It is so easy to be hateful. It is so easy to be mean and leave a snarky comment.

It is so hard to be a kind person when you feel like the world only revolves around you. Where people should only see the world the way you see it. Where you think that everybody gets the same privilege as you did, so they should not choose the way that does not fit into your liking.

Isn't it strange? You expect people to respect your belief/opinion, but you refused to give the same kind of respect to the people who have a different belief/opinion than you. You championed your rights of the majority but refused to acknowledge the minority as if they do not have any rights at all. Is this what your religion teaches you for?

In a world of hateful people, please be kind. Religion does not teach you to be hateful towards others. Hate, arrogance, feeling entitled to everything, is not a religious thing.

Ahh, kindness. Please, be kind. It is easy to judge others. But it costs you zero to give other people respect.

..

Ternyata yang paling sukar untuk difahami itu adalah hati

di saat perasaan berkecamuk antara kata 'ya' dan 'tidak'

Aku butuh waktu dan ruang 

untuk memikirkan semula tentang segalanya

Semoga Tuhan memaafkan khilafku 

dalam berfikir dan mengorak langkah

Hanya melalui kegelapan, 

seseorang itu bisa menemukan cahaya.

- Yatti Musa Adam

#MalamDanPuisi

Ramadan

Ramadan bersama keluarga.

Ramadan ketika zaman belajar.

Ramadan ketika bekerja.

Semua situasi di atas berbeza suasananya. Memandangkan sekarang aku berada jauh daripada keluarga dan sedang memasuki alam pekerjaan, jadi pastinya pengalaman Ramadan kali ini berbeza. 

Tapi aku tetap sama. Haih.

Nak berterusan mengejar pahala ini ada turun naik surutnya. Syukur juga mempunyai rakan-rakan penyewa yang baik, yang mengajak untuk berterawih, berjemaah.. Cuma antara hendak atau tak hendak sahaja.

Dan aku juga sedang merancang bagaimana untuk membaiki kelemahan diri selepas berakhir Ramadan. Moga bukan sekadar tinggal rancangan.

Write or not to write

Truth to be told, I think I had lost the passion for writing a short story. Or writing in general. When I was a teenager, the passion was still there. Now, when I tried to convey a sentence, it did not turns out into beautiful words anymore. It seems like my vocabulary in Bahasa was marginal. And then the slapping truth came, as recently my reading was limited to English materials, and less in Bahasa.

I need to polish my Bahasa in writing, as well as English. I just wish that someday I can write about a critical issue, able to voice out my opinion in a decent writing. I miss the days when we need to do opinion writings or assignments, as I like to do a research and read them, and tried to combine these different facts and put my own opinion on them.

Google image

Now when I’m older, I think to write a non-fiction material is easier than to write a fiction. This is because when you writing a fiction, you need to have a good plot, interesting characters, where you need to have a good imagination in my opinion, which I lack.

Right now, I need to read a lot of BM materials.

Gunung Alai

29 April 2018, Ahad. Sehari di Gunung Alai, Pengkalan Hulu, Gerik, Perak.

Permandangan atas puncak tu cantik sangat, masya-Allah. Dari bawah nak naik ke puncak makan masa selama lebih kurang dua jam sahaja. Treknya mudah, ada la bahagian yang pacak sikit, tapi secara menyeluruh okay sahaja. Perjalanan mendaki boleh makan masa selama 3-4 jam sahaja, kalau mengikut pendakian santai. Kalau pecut mungkin dalam 2 jam sudah boleh sampai puncak.

Gunung Alai dikira gunung yang baru dibuka, jadi laluan untuk trekking tidak begitu jelas. Pastikan jangan terpisah daripada kumpulan.

K2 Kenderong-Kerunai

14 & 15 April 2018, ke Gerik, Perak untuk mendaki Gunung Kenderong dan Kerunai, juga dikenali sebagai "The Devil K2". Memang kejam ah dua-dua gunung ni, sebagai orang yang bukan hikers tegar (newbie), disarankan mendaki gunung ini bagi hikers tegar & bukannya yang baru berjinak-jinak dengan hiking.

Asalnya housemate yang ajak pergi, dan tanpa berfikir dua kali aku setuju, sebab masa tu aku tengah cari aktiviti untuk short escape. Memandangkan plan untuk ke Redang tak jadi (nada sedih di sini).

Trip ini di bawah anjuran Ketegaq Hikers (@ketegaqhikers). Boleh pergi ke instagram mereka sebab memang banyak trip-trip yang dianjurkan sepanjang tahun. Yang ke K2 ni yurannya RM120 sahaja, termasuk makan dan minum selama 2 hari 1 malam dan juga T-shirt.

Cara pergi ke Gerik adalah dengan carpool. Carilah sesiapa yang join trip tu yang dekat dengan kawasan masing-masing, kemudian set tempat untuk berkumpul dan bertolak.

Hari pertama mendaki Gunung Kerunai pada pukul 10.00 pagi. Diingatkan supaya bawa topi ya, sebab kedua-dua gunung ni tak banyak pokok tinggi. Jadi matahari memang betul-betul atas kepala dan panasnya astaghfirullah, memang menguji keimanan. Dan kalau di Kerunai ni gunungnya jenis naik turun, dan banyak puncak tipu haha nak sampai ke puncak betul tu.

Gambar-gambar di sini adalah ihsan daripada kamera kawan-kawan satu trip, sebab kamera fon aku rosak, jadi terpaksa la cedok gambar cantik milik orang lain. Pemandangannya memang lawa, atas gunung kan. Awan berkepul-kepul.

Hari kedua naik Gunung Kenderung pukul 4.00 pagi. Yang lain sampai ke kem solla (tempat berhenti untuk Subuh) dalam pukul 6.30 pagi, aku sampai pukul 7 pagi macam tu. Nak buat macam mana, tak cukup stamina. Malu la menyusahkan para sweeper yang teman aku naik ke atas. Nasib baik ada geng jugak yang boleh sweep bersama. Masa nilah jumpa dan berkenalan dengan kenalan baru.

Waktu sampai puncak tu puas hati la.. tapi bila turun tu... azab dia.. dengan cuaca panas teriknya.. haha. Dan ya, disebabkan aku, housemate dan kawan dia lambat jugak jadi orang last sampai ke campsite. Kasihan diorang kena teman orang yang slow pace dan kurang stamina ni, termasuklah dua orang sweepers haha. Ya ampun, minta maaf sangat-sangat. Lepas ni taubat dah tak nak menyusahkan orang dah. Gunung-gunung ni bukan untuk newbie ya kawan-kawan.

Terima kasih buat para krew Ketegaq Hikers, para sweepers, geng yang ber'sweep' bersama untuk trip selama 2 hari. Letih tu letih, tapi menyesal tu tidak! Semakin semangat nak mendaki bukit-bukit lain pulak.

24

24 years old. How much time that I wasted along the way?

Moga dapat terus istiqamah dalam pembacaan dan lebih matang dalam berfikir dan berbicara, dan juga memperkasakan peribadi. Ameen. 

Sekarang, setelah habis belajar, aku masih mencari-cari. Apa yang aku ingin lakukan untuk jangka masa panjang nanti, selepas habisnya latihan dalam kamar. Aku ingin lari daripada terus berada dalam 'comfort zone'. Aku pun tidak pasti ingin terus praktis dalam bidang perundangan ataupun tidak. 

Apa yang aku pasti setakat ni, i don't want to limit myself.

Dan.. aku sepatutnya perlu lebih bersosial =='. (This is a big challenge, ughh)

No exception, yet

Maybe I know, somewhere

Deep in my soul 

That love never lasts

And we’ve got to find other ways

To make it alone

But keep a straight face

And I’ve always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable, distance

And up until now 

I had sworn to myself that I’m content

With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

- Paramore

Random #2

I saw this trend to search your name in urbandictionary. So I did mine, LOL.

The only part that I can relate is “Hannah tends to be single, because they often seen as boring.”

Yeah that sums up me perfectly 😂😂

Book Review: The Tudung Anthology

It’s been a long time since I review a book before. But this anthology, I really want to review and recommend it. And yeah, several people asked me to do a review about it.. so.. here we goes.

I did review this book on my instagram, but that’s just a brief review. It does not give this book a justice.

This is an anthology, collection of essays/stories from various writers regarding this piece of cloth we called “tudung”. I bought this book at Popular Bookstore, the price is RM20, if you have the member card, you will get a 20% discount, that you only need to pay RM18. 

I was interested to buy it because before this I had saw an advertisement by Matahari Books to invite writers who had a story to tell or share about “tudung” can send it to them, if selected will be featured on this anthology. I was about to write mine, but then I’m insecure about my english lol. So anyway, when I saw this on a bookstore, I had to buy it!!

Warned: This is not a religious book.

I loved almost every story written here. I somehow can relate to the story told, either because I had experienced it or I saw it happened in front of my eyes. Or some incidents that my friends told me. I want to highlight some of the story here by several writers.

A story shared by an anonymous made me feel  sad, because I also had a friend who didn’t wear the hijab and still perform her prayers. It’s during my foundation years, where my friends and I usually performed our zuhur prayer at a university’s mosque. One day when we entered, a man passed by, and he scold one of my friends because she didn’t cover her hair to enter into a mosque. And I was WTH?? I made a fuss about it after the incident, but my friend who got scold didn’t even bother about it. And I never admired her more since. A muslim has a right to perform prayer at a mosque, who are you to judge just because the person sin differently than yours?

Unveiled by Raja Ummi Nadrah is an example of our society who like to judge and harrass people just because we behaved/dressed differently. I met a lot of men and women who have this kind of mentality. Pity.

The Hijabilantes by Masawi Mustaza captured a beautiful metaphore about organisation who helped a lot of women in distress, either being abused by their husbands etc. It reminded me of the good deeds from the NGO Sister in Islam (SIS) in helping women in Malaysia. Whatever dispproval you have with SIS, one couldn’t denied their contributions in helping women in Malaysia and also the empowerment of women. 

I would like to end my review with the quotes from this anthology itself.

“In Islam, this life is a journey. Every day, we try to improve to become a better Muslim” - Much Ado About Tudung, Hezreen

“The tudung remains a symbol of love and devotion to God... The tudung only covers out hair, it shouldn’t ever cover our mind.” - Around The World in 80 Tudungs, Khadijah Khalid.