Serious Stuff

Salam & Hi :)

I used to write and blog since I was thirteen years old. And mostly I wrote about psychological stuff (online psychology test), family, school, motivational cliche topics (bahahaha), random topics and sometimes write the reviews of movies and books. My first blog was in the wordpress website, and then I moved to blogdrive, and after that tadaaaa, in blogspot.com. I can't remember why I did not stick to one type of blogging website back then, but maybe because of trends.

When I was fifteen, I used to have a good conversation with this one senior that I respected. Once, we shared a several blog links of Malaysian students who wrote a good and serious topics about current issues and religion. And then I asked her, "Kak, why don't you try to write a blog too?"

Of course at that time I did not tell her that I have a blog (because my blog full of childish stuff). And then she replied, "I don't think I have a good things to write and share to the people."

Me: "Oh, but you can start with just sharing about your life and stuff like that."

And after that I don't really remembered what exactly that she said, but basically this; she said that if she wants to write, she does not want to write about just her life, she wants to write about serious stuff like current issues, religion etc. And yes, it hits me paaapp like that in my heart hehe.

Of course, I was a teenager back then. And now a bit matured (ehem), I still cannot write a serious topics in my blog without it being end up in a draft section. It's not that I can't, I just realized that I don't want to. (At least now.. I think)... after my contract with gov ended haha

Friends who personally know me, knows that I like to discuss about philosophy, current issues, criticized this and that, and a strong opinionated person (they called me stubborn, actually). Sometimes I wish I have a pen and paper like Rita Skeeter (in Harry Potter) that will write everything that popping out of my mouth, so it save myself from writing it down again (yeah, I'm that lazy).

But maybe it just like, blogging for me, at this moment, more to a reflect of chronological part of my life. I mean, it's more like a recorded life that I wrote down at the moment, what I think, rambled about etc. So that I will read at the old entries and feel like "Wow, what a naive teenager I've been back then" or "Why I write this stupid stuff?" or "Is this really me who write this?"

That's why in my bio, I wrote that this is a personal blog.

And yes, sometimes I wish I can publish all of those without a doubt, and without afraid of the reaction or feedback from other people. (Yeah, my opinion is THAT scandalous).

#selfclaim #booo

Semester 8

Salam & hi.

Finally I'm on my last semester here. I will miss UKM so much. And I know that I will regret the things that I haven't done during my studies here. At least I already went to the rooftop of FKAB haha with my dear friend <3

Advocacy

So here in our last semester, we have this subject named "Advocacy" which does not have a final exam, but will have like the full trial and will be assessed by the real judges. The firms will be divided to criminal and civil litigation, and unfortunately my firm got civil. Most of us rooting for criminal, because criminal cases are more way interesting, of course. And your money won't flow to create (forged) a lot of documents and cause papers such as civil litigation cases.

Well, it won't do to cry over a spilt milk, lol. My firm mates and I should pour our heart to our Plaintiff and Defendant's case wholeheartedly. Phew, so dramatic.

Most of our time are spent solely for this subject, (to create the 10 types of documents, cause papers with a lot copies, the written arguments etc) as we will have the full trial include the witnesses as in a real court proceedings, in front of a judge. But for civil advocacy, the judges are among the lecturers, for criminal the invited judges are the real judges.

Still, we should learned from our last semester, to never abandoned other subjects such as CPC and Evidence huhu but howww...

As the research made for our cases, I found that (at least for the Plaintiff) I'm really hooked as the facts given is quite interesting.

#tryingtobeoptimist

Let. It. Go.

Ain't it funny.

For so many times I assured myself, that I'm ok with that, seriously. Definitely. I learned my lesson well, I guess. But then yeah, I thought I had move on, until last week, I affirmed myself, for this last time, that I want to let it all go. The past is past. I'm a realistic person. And if you have a good intention, be honest with me. If not, please be gone. I don't want to waste my time in guessing this and that. Don't leave people hanging, if you understand what I mean.

If Allah give me a long life to finish my studies and to pursue my dreams, then the between periods is for me to focus basically on that, for the next few years. I cannot make promises. I don't want to give a false hope either. I have other more important priorities, that is, to spend my time with my parents as a daughter, to practice in my field, and after a few years of working, I expect to pursue my master outside of Malaysia, if JPA willing again to sponsor my studies, inshaAllah.

But yeah, this is basically the plan, we never know how the outcomes according to His plan. I'm just striving as best as I could. The rest is solely rely to Him.

A Loner Through and Through?

Someone in FB shared this. That made me burst into tears.

Thanks Kak Salwa for the reminder. "Muslims never be a loner. As they have Allah, who never let them be alone." 

Thanks. A. Lot.

[The caption]

Dalam persabatan.
Jangan lebihkan sorang je.
Nanti lagi sorang terasa.

Takkan dia nak cakap yang dia terasa kot?

Ukhuwah itu bersama sama..

---

Footsteps

I've done it all
All the mistakes you can make
I fell in love but I fell out
Cause I was afraid

Give the chance so I can make it better
I threw away

But my heart is still leaving its footsteps behind
Hoping you'll find me
And I disappeared cause I was afraid of the lights
They would just blind me
I know I said let me alone
My heart left its footsteps
Written in stone

I had a choice but all I could feel was the wind
I told you don't come looking for me
But I wish, I wish you did
I hope that if you hear me you'll come hunting
Hunting me down

But my heart is still leaving its footsteps behind
Hoping you'll find me
And I disappeared cause I was afraid of the lights
They would just blind me
I know I said let me alone
My heart left it footsteps
Written in stone.
Written in stone.

Dia Frampton- Footsteps

Serpihan Kalbu... [1]

Assalamualaikum. Seperti yang dijanjikan untuk kawan-kawan yang ingin 'melihat' draft manuskrip (amin) saya. Maaf terlalu lambat mengeposkan entri kat sini ye.. Dan tajuk cerita ni masih 'kelabu', tak tahu nak letak apa tajuknya.. Mohon kerjasama rakan-rakan..hee~.. Nak kritik, kritik je tau!

[credit]

SERPIHAN KALBU

[NOT EDITED VERSION]

Dia berlari dan terus berlari. Awalnya hanya berlari santai. Kemudian dicepatkan sedikit. Kemudian dicepatkan lagi. Lagi. Lagi dan lagi. Seakan berlari melepaskan semua yang ada; kalaulah semua itu mampu. Lariannya diperlahan. Dia mengah sendiri. Ah, lamanya tidak berjoging! Walaupun hakikatnya dia bukanlah berjoging, melainkan berlari seolah-olah mewakili pertandingan larian olimpik di taman ini. Keseorangan.

Akukah yang salah
Membiarkan jiwa ini gersang terbelah
Membiarkan hati menerjang
Meraung kelelahan

Telinganya menangkap alunan gitar yang tidak tentu nadanya berserta suara... Langkah larian dihentikan. Mencari-cari punca.

Akukah yang lemah
Menghanyutkan diri di perahu
yang karam
Dek kealpaan mencengkam
Lemas dalam air yang kehausan

Kemudian matanya menangkap sosok seorang gadis yang tidak jauh di hadapan. Berdekatan dengan sepohon pokok yang hidup segan mati tidak mahu. Pokok yang hanya tinggal batangnya sahaja. Gadis itu menyandang sebuah gitar, sambil bibirnya mengalunkan bibit-bibit kata. Sangkanya gadis itu sedang menyanyikan lagu; busking seperti yang pernah dia lihat di mana-mana. Tetapi bila dia mulai mendekat, dia terkedu. Gadis itu sedang mengalunkan puisi!

Akukah itu
Dalam kehinaan pabila
Kokokan ayam menjerit
Menjalar hingga berlabuhnya
tirai malam yang kelam

Waktu masih pagi. Matahari baru sahaja malu-malu memunculkan diri. Mana ada orang yang berjoging dan yang lalu-lalang di situ ingin mendengar patah demi patah apa yang dideklamasikan. Setakat pandang dua kali kerana pelik, adalah kut.

Sampai kapan
Aku harus begini
Membina tiang-tiang dosa
Membelit diri.

Dengan penuh penghayatan (rasanyalah-kut), gadis itu menoktahkan puisinya. Hanya dia seorang yang tercegat di trek joging selang lima langkah daripada gadis itu berdiri. Gadis berwajah pucat itu memakai pashmina hitam dan sweater labuh berwarna hijau daun serta memakai jeans lusuh yang nampaknya extra large. Berserta kasut sukan. Pelik.

Barulah dia perasan, rupanya di sebelah gadis itu, seseorang sedang duduk santai bersila. Mungkin kawan gadis yang berpuisi tu kut. Dia memakai tudung bawal biru lepas bawah dan juga memakai t-shirt lengan panjang dan track suit hitam.

Memandangkan hanya dia yang baru sahaja lepas berlari yang tercegat di hadapan mereka, dengan janggal dan spontannya dia bertepuk tangan; menghilangkan kejanggalan dan kesunyian yang tiba-tiba menyapa apabila gadis berdua itu memerhatikannya.

"Nice poem!" Dia berbasa-basi. Padahal dia tidak mendengar sepenuhnya pun sajak atau puisi entahkan gurindam yang didengarinya tadi.

Gadis bertudung bawal yang sedang duduk itu cuma tersenyum kepadanya. Ya, hanya gadis itu yang senyum, gadis berpashmina hitam di sebelahnya yang sedang berdiri itu tiada ekspresi, dan bagaikan dia tiada di situ, gadis itu perlahan duduk bersandarkan pokok di belakangnya dengan memegang gitar sambil memejamkan mata.

"Aku Rauf, tinggal di kawasan ni aja." Dia memperkenalkan diri secara tiba-tiba. Gadis berpashmina hitam itu mencelikkan matanya perlahan-lahan. Kawan sebelahnya tersenyum.

"Ifah." Sepatah gadis bertudung bawal biru memperkenalkan diri. Jari telunjuknya diarahkan kepada gadis berpashmina hitam. "Dia ni Safi."

Rauf mengangguk. Dia memandang ke arah Safi, gadis berpashmina hitam itu yang seperti memandang jauh ke hadapan, bukan ke arahnya. Tiba-tiba mata gadis itu beralih menikam ke arahnya.

"Erm, gerak dulu ya. Selamat jalan." Rauf mengundur diri. Ada umur, jumpa lagi. Desisnya dalam hati.

"Selamat jalan, Raf." Tiba-tiba si Safi yang ala-ala sombong saya-tak-nak-kenal-awak tadi tu mengucapkan selamat jalan. Tapi wajah Safi masih seperti tadi. Tiada ekspresi, bagaikan tiada emosi. Rauf menjungkit alis kirinya.

"It's Rauf, not Raf." Senyum. Namun, belum sempat pun dia melangkah, sesuatu melintas di kepalanya.

"Erm, boleh nyanyikan satu lagu?"

Meledak Ifah ketawa. Safi menepuk peha Ifah, matanya memberi ekspresi; Ifah, behave! Ifah hanya menyeringai setelah berusaha menutup mulutnya daripada terus ketawa. Rauf tertanya, apa yang lucunya?

"Safi tak menyanyilah.. Aku pun lagilah tak. Safi cuma mendeklamasi sajak dan puisi aja." Terang Ifah dengan sisa-sisa tawanya.

Peliknya, fikir Rauf.

"Sajak apa yang biasa kau baca? Cinta? Rindu? Benci?" soal Rauf ingin tahu. Soalannya disasarkan kepada Safi yang tidak memandangnya. Namun seperti biasa, Ifah yang menjawab.

"Sajak pasal kemanusiaan. Keagamaan. Muhasabah diri. Pasal hidup pun ada." Ifah menyeringai.

"Kenapa?" Meluncur laju pertanyaan daripada mulut Rauf. Ya, kenapa? Pelik, gadis berpuisi di pagi hari di sebuah taman tempat orang-orang lalu-lalang dan joging.

"Untuk dakwah." Ifah ringkas menjawab.

"Dakwah?" Dia makin tidak faham. "Dengan puisi? Itu dikatakan dakwah?" Rauf memerhatikan kembali Ifah dan Safi.

"Ya. Dakwah itu seni, Encik 'Raf'." Kali ini Safi bersuara, memandangnya. Menyeringai aneh.