As I was still grappling with my unknown interest, this tweet give me a reassurance.
The beautiful thing about the not knowing is that, the journey of searching for it. I will not limit myself, again. I'm not scared of the unknown either.
A wrap for 2018's moments that I want to highlight here.
It has been quite a tough journey yet, because I started to embark into a working career. I live far from my hometown. However, my close friends are mostly working in the same area and my sisters are working and live in Selangor too. As I want to start my 2019 with a positive energy, I just want to list down the lists for the memory's sake.
The highlights:
1- Pupillage
I start my chambering on January 2018 after numerous interviews I have been to, and I was accepted into one, alhamdulillah. During this time actually I was experiencing some sort of mentally and emotionally challenged, relating to the work culture, how to deal with other people etc. Truth to be told, I actually cannot wait to finish my chambering, but not that at that time I was intending to practice. Undecided. Yet.
2- Try a new hobby
Last year I started to join several hiking trips, thanks to my housemate. The first experience was terrific, minus the body ache I suffered the aftermath, haha. And being the last one arrived at the campsite. However, I managed to hike until the top of the mountains! The view was stunning, it was worth it. The cloud carpet and all. Thus, after the first experience I joined several other trips to other mountains, and try to entice my friends to join too haha.
3- Make new friends
During our pupillage, we had a compulsory legal aid to attend for 14 days, allocated one day per week. So I met pupils from other legal firms and manage to make some new friends and acquaintance. Actually this is where the part that usually I failed to connect with others, lol. But surprisingly I manage to make new friends.
For the hiking trips, I also able to make new acquaintances and friends. There were two trips I already went with the same persons as we plan to go together as a group. Hope we will do the same this year!
4- Called to the Bar
Finish my pupillage, alhamdulillah I had called to the Bar on December 2018. My family came over to KL to witness the ceremony at KL High Court, but I restricted that not all should come into the courtroom haha (I have seven siblings, k). So, lawyered!
5- Travel
Thanks to my friends' insistence, I agree to join them to travel at Indonesia (Jakarta & Yogyakarta) for 10 days at the end of the year 2018 (and the early year of 2019). We celebrated our new year at Jogja too in the bedroom, sleeping.
The not;
I realised that last year, the amount of books that I read can be counted on my fingers. And I did not buy any books at all save for one only. It was intentionally (the-not-buy-books) as I was financially restraint to buy anything extra such as books. During that moment I realized that books are such a luxury things.
So I hope that this year I can spend my time more to read new books, and explore a new genre too. I'm thinking of reading a fantasy, self-help and thriller books. Phew, polygamist reader, everyone?
Ps: Started the 2019 reading a non-fiction book titled Quiet by Susan Cain. And also The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I think I will finish reading the latter first.
A beginning for another new chapter, alhamdulillah.
With me, 2019 started with a wonderful experience and full of anxiousness, uncertainty and bleak future. But now I manage to found a new light, something that I did not see it coming. I vow to motivate myself and try to be a positive person as in time I only have myself that I could depended on. And although not everything moving along with what I had thought it would be, it still seems perfect. My family is happy, my parents are proud of me, and now I'm standing on my own feet, is everything that I think a blessing that I should be grateful for.
And hopefully I can write more here too. Haha. I only hope.
One day, I went back from the office and intended to try oden from Family Mart. As I always listening to one of my friends recommended it. Oden is like a Yong Tau Fu’s Japan version, and for me the taste was just an ‘ok’. When I queued and ordered, I was thinking to order the ice-cream together, matcha flavour (green tea). However, having a change of heart, I decided to just order oden.
As I was sitting down alone while eating the oden, on my earphones and scrolling my phone, a few minutes later someone approached me. She wanted to give an extra matcha ice-cream she bought, saying that she bought the extra one for her sister but she didn’t want to eat ice-cream, while pointed out at her sister, who was smiling at me. I hesitated. I offered to pay for the ice-cream but she refused and insist I take it, while mentioned, “It’s okay, it’s seem like it’s your rezeki.”
(Source: google)
I said thank you, took the ice-cream offered and waved to them as they left. And I was thinking, wow, I do get to eat matcha ice-cream today, grateful for the their kind gesture. (Or maybe they pitied me as I was eating alone at the Family Mart’s corner 😂). I’m the lucky one I guess, as there were other people eating there as well.
But actually this incident reminded me to always be grateful, and that sometimes Allah granted me the things that I want. It made me flashback to several incidents in my life, where a situation that I thought maybe I would never got this, but actually I did.
For example when I lost hope whether I can still pursue law after finishing my foundation. I refused to apply for another courses as I was determined to read law during that time. And then I got an offer to pursue law in UNISZA for their second intake. In the mean time I also applied manually to the Dean’s Faculty, for public universities that offer law courses, that are UKM and UUM. When I entered into the orientation in UNISZA, I was thinking that I would never have a chance to practice as a legal practitioner (during this, LPQB had not recognized their law degree). Guess what? A day after the orientation, there was a call from UKM, asking me why I had not come to register for their second intake. I was in shocked, as I did not know that I was being accepted! And the rest is history.. hehe :)
The same thing when I applied for JPA scholarship, when it’s time to check your result in the portal, I was certain that I did not get the offer. My whatsapp’s notifications got crazy from the friends ranted that they all not successful to get the offer from JPA. Some of them even scored a 4 flat pointer but did not manage to get an offer. So leisurely while lying down on my bed, I just opened the portal and checked. The status was “Berjaya”. Abruptly I was in a sitting position. While zoomed the page and read it again and again, afraid that I wrongly read it at the first place. Later I found out that only ten of us from the batch (almost a hundred of students) that had been offered for the scholarship.
As I believe that you should always work hard in everything you do, there are certain things along the way that sometime, you get it through ‘luck’ - at least that is what a certain people would say. But I’m more preferring it not as luck, but ‘rezeki’.
I got up late again today
And I’m scared of everything
I don’t dare to dream
I got a dark imagination
These hours waste away
A debt I’ll never pay
I’m talking through the walls
But the walls keep caving in
They amplify my thoughts
I really want a conversation
But I let it slip away
A debt I’ll never pay
Worry, worry, ohh
It’s funny how it changes
When nothing really changes at all
Am I jaded?
Am I meant to feel this way?
I’m a loser, getting beat by my own game
But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake
Oh, at least it was my mistake
‘Cause I choose to be this way
I’m a loser and I self-deprecate
So when I falter
Well at least it was my mistake
I saw my friend today
She tried to comfort me
But I turned her away
There’s magic in this misery
So no matter what you say
I don’t think I’ll ever change
Worry, worry, ohh
It’s funny how it changes
When nothing really changes at all
Am I jaded?
Am I meant to feel this way?
I’m a loser, getting beat by my own game
But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake
Oh, at least it was my mistake
‘Cause I choose to be this way
I’m a loser and I self-deprecate
So when I falter
Well at least it was my mistake
And I don’t really care about what anyone says
I don’t give a damn about what anyone says
I don’t want to think about anything
I don’t want to think about anything
And I don’t really care about what anybody says
I don’t need opinions hanging over my head
I don’t really care about anything
I don’t really care
I don’t really care at all
Alhamdulillah, I just got called to the Bar on 7th December 2018.
The one who I want to thank you the most are of course my parents ❤️, my siblings especially my sisters and my close friends who accompany me through this journey. Not to forget my Master, the other Partners of the firm and all the staffs who were very helpful and kind to me during my pupillage. May God bless all of you as a bunch of thank you is never enough.
Lawyered already, haha (or almost lawyered). I can’t wait to embark into this new journey.
Truth to be told, I actually still hesitated whether to practice as a lawyer or not. I found out that doing bankruptcy matters quite bored me, and I decided to try for general litigation next time perhaps.
“Hi, I’m Hannah, can you please hire me for an associate for your general litigation department please?” 🤣🤣
I want to write about something, and I think it's good to start with the things that I love to do; reading. And this is one of my favourite books kinda review. And why I love it so much.
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
(lunyai, haha)
I read this book when I was 17 or 18. It was my sister's, she bought it as her friend recommended it to her. And as soon I finished this book, it was soon become one of my favourite books! Coincidentally when I was first reading this book, I was in Foundation in Law and reading this book kinda give me a feel like a path I have taken was true haha. That 'Atticus' feels. I love his character so much!
I love the fact that the story was told by a narrative of a 6-year-old child, Scout and she was such an innocent, and frank, especially when there was sometimes she asking Atticus questions. I love the interaction of Scout and her brother, Jem and also about the mysterious ghostly character of Boo Radley. Whenever at first I heard them talking about someone inside the house (their neighbour, Boo Radley), I was actually thinking "Is that guy even exist? Lol". Until the last plot of the book.
This book is dealing with racial inequality, integrity, courage, compassion, kindness, hatred and also humor. The character of Atticus feels so real. He was an embodiment that I somehow want to be. Tried to be. In this book, Atticus represented a black man accused of raping a young white woman. The repercussion occurred as the citizen disapproved of his action in defending a black, and called him "nigger-lover". The scene of the trial in open court was interesting and intense.
And as I love this book so much, I recommended to my friends, discussing it with them and my sister. After that, I realized that this book is a classic modern American literature that widely taught in schools in US and maybe in other states too.
Whenever I travel far from home, or just go hiking and away for a few days, I usually always bring along this book. I like to reread a book that I was so familiar with during my favourite time (and tough time). :)
I remembered that I bring this book during hiking, and also I read it when I commenced my first few days of pupillage at my current firm, as I was not assigned to any task.
There are many lines in the book that caught me off guard. And my favourites are:
(source: google)
..and this conversation between Scout and Jem about her class with Miss Gates on that day, when she asked him how someone who hated a crime against the Jews (the Holocaust) but at the same time treated the Black people poorly.
"...how can you hate Hitler so bad an' then turn around and be ugly about folks right at home-" -Scout
(The sequel came yearsss after that, before H. Lee passed away, and I intend to review that book too!)
