A beginning for another new chapter, alhamdulillah.
With me, 2019 started with a wonderful experience and full of anxiousness, uncertainty and bleak future. But now I manage to found a new light, something that I did not see it coming. I vow to motivate myself and try to be a positive person as in time I only have myself that I could depended on. And although not everything moving along with what I had thought it would be, it still seems perfect. My family is happy, my parents are proud of me, and now I'm standing on my own feet, is everything that I think a blessing that I should be grateful for.
And hopefully I can write more here too. Haha. I only hope.
One day, I went back from the office and intended to try oden from Family Mart. As I always listening to one of my friends recommended it. Oden is like a Yong Tau Fu’s Japan version, and for me the taste was just an ‘ok’. When I queued and ordered, I was thinking to order the ice-cream together, matcha flavour (green tea). However, having a change of heart, I decided to just order oden.
As I was sitting down alone while eating the oden, on my earphones and scrolling my phone, a few minutes later someone approached me. She wanted to give an extra matcha ice-cream she bought, saying that she bought the extra one for her sister but she didn’t want to eat ice-cream, while pointed out at her sister, who was smiling at me. I hesitated. I offered to pay for the ice-cream but she refused and insist I take it, while mentioned, “It’s okay, it’s seem like it’s your rezeki.”
(Source: google)
I said thank you, took the ice-cream offered and waved to them as they left. And I was thinking, wow, I do get to eat matcha ice-cream today, grateful for the their kind gesture. (Or maybe they pitied me as I was eating alone at the Family Mart’s corner 😂). I’m the lucky one I guess, as there were other people eating there as well.
But actually this incident reminded me to always be grateful, and that sometimes Allah granted me the things that I want. It made me flashback to several incidents in my life, where a situation that I thought maybe I would never got this, but actually I did.
For example when I lost hope whether I can still pursue law after finishing my foundation. I refused to apply for another courses as I was determined to read law during that time. And then I got an offer to pursue law in UNISZA for their second intake. In the mean time I also applied manually to the Dean’s Faculty, for public universities that offer law courses, that are UKM and UUM. When I entered into the orientation in UNISZA, I was thinking that I would never have a chance to practice as a legal practitioner (during this, LPQB had not recognized their law degree). Guess what? A day after the orientation, there was a call from UKM, asking me why I had not come to register for their second intake. I was in shocked, as I did not know that I was being accepted! And the rest is history.. hehe :)
The same thing when I applied for JPA scholarship, when it’s time to check your result in the portal, I was certain that I did not get the offer. My whatsapp’s notifications got crazy from the friends ranted that they all not successful to get the offer from JPA. Some of them even scored a 4 flat pointer but did not manage to get an offer. So leisurely while lying down on my bed, I just opened the portal and checked. The status was “Berjaya”. Abruptly I was in a sitting position. While zoomed the page and read it again and again, afraid that I wrongly read it at the first place. Later I found out that only ten of us from the batch (almost a hundred of students) that had been offered for the scholarship.
As I believe that you should always work hard in everything you do, there are certain things along the way that sometime, you get it through ‘luck’ - at least that is what a certain people would say. But I’m more preferring it not as luck, but ‘rezeki’.
I got up late again today
And I’m scared of everything
I don’t dare to dream
I got a dark imagination
These hours waste away
A debt I’ll never pay
I’m talking through the walls
But the walls keep caving in
They amplify my thoughts
I really want a conversation
But I let it slip away
A debt I’ll never pay
Worry, worry, ohh
It’s funny how it changes
When nothing really changes at all
Am I jaded?
Am I meant to feel this way?
I’m a loser, getting beat by my own game
But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake
Oh, at least it was my mistake
‘Cause I choose to be this way
I’m a loser and I self-deprecate
So when I falter
Well at least it was my mistake
I saw my friend today
She tried to comfort me
But I turned her away
There’s magic in this misery
So no matter what you say
I don’t think I’ll ever change
Worry, worry, ohh
It’s funny how it changes
When nothing really changes at all
Am I jaded?
Am I meant to feel this way?
I’m a loser, getting beat by my own game
But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake
Oh, at least it was my mistake
‘Cause I choose to be this way
I’m a loser and I self-deprecate
So when I falter
Well at least it was my mistake
And I don’t really care about what anyone says
I don’t give a damn about what anyone says
I don’t want to think about anything
I don’t want to think about anything
And I don’t really care about what anybody says
I don’t need opinions hanging over my head
I don’t really care about anything
I don’t really care
I don’t really care at all
Alhamdulillah, I just got called to the Bar on 7th December 2018.
The one who I want to thank you the most are of course my parents ❤️, my siblings especially my sisters and my close friends who accompany me through this journey. Not to forget my Master, the other Partners of the firm and all the staffs who were very helpful and kind to me during my pupillage. May God bless all of you as a bunch of thank you is never enough.
Lawyered already, haha (or almost lawyered). I can’t wait to embark into this new journey.
Truth to be told, I actually still hesitated whether to practice as a lawyer or not. I found out that doing bankruptcy matters quite bored me, and I decided to try for general litigation next time perhaps.
“Hi, I’m Hannah, can you please hire me for an associate for your general litigation department please?” 🤣🤣
I want to write about something, and I think it's good to start with the things that I love to do; reading. And this is one of my favourite books kinda review. And why I love it so much.
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
(lunyai, haha)
I read this book when I was 17 or 18. It was my sister's, she bought it as her friend recommended it to her. And as soon I finished this book, it was soon become one of my favourite books! Coincidentally when I was first reading this book, I was in Foundation in Law and reading this book kinda give me a feel like a path I have taken was true haha. That 'Atticus' feels. I love his character so much!
I love the fact that the story was told by a narrative of a 6-year-old child, Scout and she was such an innocent, and frank, especially when there was sometimes she asking Atticus questions. I love the interaction of Scout and her brother, Jem and also about the mysterious ghostly character of Boo Radley. Whenever at first I heard them talking about someone inside the house (their neighbour, Boo Radley), I was actually thinking "Is that guy even exist? Lol". Until the last plot of the book.
This book is dealing with racial inequality, integrity, courage, compassion, kindness, hatred and also humor. The character of Atticus feels so real. He was an embodiment that I somehow want to be. Tried to be. In this book, Atticus represented a black man accused of raping a young white woman. The repercussion occurred as the citizen disapproved of his action in defending a black, and called him "nigger-lover". The scene of the trial in open court was interesting and intense.
And as I love this book so much, I recommended to my friends, discussing it with them and my sister. After that, I realized that this book is a classic modern American literature that widely taught in schools in US and maybe in other states too.
Whenever I travel far from home, or just go hiking and away for a few days, I usually always bring along this book. I like to reread a book that I was so familiar with during my favourite time (and tough time). :)
I remembered that I bring this book during hiking, and also I read it when I commenced my first few days of pupillage at my current firm, as I was not assigned to any task.
There are many lines in the book that caught me off guard. And my favourites are:
(source: google)
..and this conversation between Scout and Jem about her class with Miss Gates on that day, when she asked him how someone who hated a crime against the Jews (the Holocaust) but at the same time treated the Black people poorly.
"...how can you hate Hitler so bad an' then turn around and be ugly about folks right at home-" -Scout
(The sequel came yearsss after that, before H. Lee passed away, and I intend to review that book too!)
Ku lari ke hutan
Kemudian menyanyiku
Ku lari ke pantai
Kemudian teriakku
Sepi-sepi dan sendiri
Aku benci
Aku ingin bingar
Aku mau di pasar
Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri
Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
Ada malaikat menyulam jaring laba-laba belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya, biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari ke hutan lalu belok ke pantai?
-----------------------------
Sedang dalam melayan filem Ada Apa Dengan Cinta 1 & 2, sebab ada kawan ajak untuk berlibur di Jakarta dan Jogjakarta untuk melalui kawasan-kawasan shooting AADC. Sebelum ni tak pernah nonton cerita ini, jadi kena buat homework dulu.
And I love the poetry reading in AADC so much OMG... Where I had been gone in AADC era hahaha.. And Rangga read the book 'Aku', the one in my possession for years now. And both of them love Chairil Anwar's poems!
Kawan aku cakap aku ni Rangga versi perempuan. Ha. Ha. Ha.
I read something on the page of Humans of New York that made me ponder upon my life as general. Whether I am the one who also tries to catch up with the all the things that one should have as the society modeled us to be.
I had graduated last year, now doing my pupillage. Later on maybe will be searching for another stable job. Even now I had friends who had gotten married and produced a few kids already. Maybe the fact that I am still single now, none in my future plans include marriage and kids, yet. However, whenever I see a couple happily stroll in a park or a mall, with their kids around sometimes made me feel such a longing.
Or maybe when I saw someone posted in their instagram about their traveling anywhere around the world made me feel such a longing too. That they have such a time and money to take a vacation while I myself stuck doing whatever I am doing now. I just hope that this kind of things would not bother me much, so I distant myself from social media for a few moments. Except to read the news.
I know that things sometimes would be difficult. And we should always strive. I love a post that I read from Wani Ardy's blog, her words still ringing in my head and heart.
"See, that's the thing. The fact that we don't get everything, shows that we've got something. Hope, my friend, is a privilege. The ability to want something, is a privilege. The possibility of getting what we want, is a privilege."
I realized that I should always appreciate the small things in life that would make my days better. Maybe when I see a rainbow after the rain stop. Or sipping into a good coffee and having a tasty dessert like chocolate brownies or pavlova (or anything chocolate, yum!). Or maybe the smell of the rain, or a sunset. Appreciate the small things. Like the good parents and family members that always there whenever you reach them. And the good friends around you.
May I would not fall into doing something just because everyone is doing it. Ameen.
